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A light at the end of the tunnel and Lemon Verbena

  • RosaArtemisia

Okay, so this is another long one.  Just a friendly warning for the majority who only read the 20% of all text.  lol

Yes, and I also mentioned Lemon Verbena in the title, because this is an herbal forum and we MUST talk about herbs.  I will, I will, I promise.  But first....

Okay, so today I accidently spent $26 dollars on listing fees, and I got all worked up over it.  Not "angry" worked up, but "little girl tears" worked up.  That's when it hit me.  This is not my calling.  Nothing so trivial should upset me so much.  Obviously, there is something else going on here, and I need to address it.

So, after a few slightly confused exchanges between Kiki and I, I decided to close my shops.  O my, and I am the sentimental type, so now that I've calmed down a bit, and the sigh of relief has been exhaled, I'm feeling a teeny, tiny sting of regret.  Kiki very eloquently asked me (twice) to keep writing in the forum.  Of course, I will, because Kiki asked me to.  Kiki is so damn nice that you really can't deny her anything.  She's so nice, that the more eccentric you prove yourself to be, the more she loves you.  A rare treasure of a gal, indeed!

But, yes, I did close my PoppySwap shops.  I have left my etsy shops open, but I'm even thinking of closing them, too.  I just haven't figured out how to tell my handful of loyal customers, so I sit in limbo.  Actually, I would rather be selling here on PoppySwap.  It took me a little while, but I was really starting to warm up to it.  The thing is that to sell on PoppySwap, I really need to deal with some non-plant related issues, because truth be told, my work with the plants is precious to me.  So much so that I don't really like to talk about it much.  I'm still in the infancy of my herb learning, and it touches me so deeply that I prefer to keep it to myself.  So, basically, I don't feel ready to sell my wares here.

It's more than that, though.  Have any of you ever walked through a darkness, a dark time in your life that felt hopeless, only to finally get through it and find the light at the end of the tunnel?  I have, many times.  When I was younger, and I was in this dark place, I didn't know there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and I felt despair.  I had to push myself to keep going.  Time and experience eventually taught me that there is indeed a light at the end. 

So, I'm in a bit of a darkness now.  It is the longest lasting darkness I've ever walked through.  I'm trying something different this time.  I'm not fighting it.  I know there is a light at the end, but I'm not pushing myself to find it.  This time, I'm going to let the darkness teach me and guide me.  I've closed my shops and I've closed my eyes, and I've decided to go where I'm meant to go, learn what I'm meant to learn.  Something deep inside me says there's something more that I'm not getting because I'm putting my energy in the wrong projects.  I don't know what it is, but I know that I simply have to follow this feeling.

SO!! On to Lemon Verbena.  So, my Grandma surprised me with a visit yesterday!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I love my Grandma sooooooo much!  She's not my biological Grandma, but my grandma by a marriage that no longer exists.  My Grandma is a neat old lady (they all are, though, aren't they?).  She doesn't speak any English and I lost my Spanish, so we communicate through my husband.  I swear, the older she gets the sharper she gets.  I had a touch of the blues yesterday, and my Grandma is not the woman to sympathize so I had to work hard to keep it to myself! LOL She kept giving me the eagle eye, but I just pushed my chin up and smiled.  Then she'd go on with her story.  The best part of all is that she brought me some of her home-cooking.  I swear, this woman never travels without a couple of coolers packed with her home-cooked Mexican food.  When she travels she makes lots of housecalls to various friends and family and she doesn't leave their house until after the cooler has been unpacked. 

As she was leaving, we walked through my garden.  O, she was delighted with all the plants she'd never seen before.  She'd stop and smell and ask, "This one is for tea?"  Then I'd nod and she'd say, "Oooh!" with excitement.  She loved my Tagetes Marigold, and she was breathless at my Lemon Verbena.  She took some with her and made me promise I'd make a small plant for her.  (Now, I'll have to learn how!!) Then she visited my Serano chiles, and my husband told her how I make him some delicious homemade salsa from time.  She raised her eyebrows with pride and looked at me and asked, "Si, mija?"  To which I said, "Si!" with a big grin.  She was so happy to discover that I was making good use of her recipe.  Finally, she oohed and ahhed over my basil, which I let go to seed so that it would come back next year.  She took some of the seeds home with her.

Yes, so another long random rambling post. 


Gwendolyn Rose Botanicals ~ ♥

Replies to this topic

  • greenjourney
  • greenjourney

Whoa, wait a minute! Gwendolyn, I don't want you to leave this forum, either! I have enjoyed your stories and costume changes...I mean, didn't you change your name and profile picture about 5 times, now? I was just thinking, maybe we should vote on our favorite Gwendolyn, just for fun? My personal favorite is the first lovely portrait of you (possibly) with Rosemary before you (I think that was your herb?).

And earlier in the day, I was envisioning you integrating your storefronts, your earth medicines and body lotions into one shop under your very own strong name of Gwendolyn Garcia...oh, my goddess!

Truthfully, and with unrefined honesty, I venture to say that I honor no gods or goddesses before me. But, can we still be friends? I seem to care about you and I completely agree that Kiki is the hostess with the mostest, as my mother likes to say.

Back to Lemon Verbena, glad you mentioned it. I can help you with that, propagate by tip cuttings, rooted in sand or fine potting soil. This is easiest in the spring, for us, at least because the greenhouse is warming up and the tender growth is streching towards the light...

Lucky you to have it growing out in your garden. And a grandma to share it with!

Thanks for letting it go to seed, Gwendolyn. And sharing the seeds!

Light, Love, & Laughter,


Aline Crehore, Green Journey Seeds
In Plants We Trust
  • RosaArtemisia
  • gwendolyn ♥

Dear Aline,

Thank you so much!  Nothing like a generous word from a stranger/friend to boost the spirits.  You are extremely kind and insightful, and those are wonderfully refreshing qualities to encounter on this here internet thingy-ma-bob!  After two years of walking through the virtual desert, I'm finally starting to experience all the herbal kindness I kept hearing so much about!  Maybe its just a PoppySwap thing.

I can't wait to put your tips in regards to my Lemon Verbena to good use.  I hope I can pull it off.  Rose Geranium and Mints are so easy to propogate, or at least they were when I lived near the coast.  A little bit harder out here where it freezes late into the spring and gets into the mid-nineties and lower hundreds through the summer.  Makes me think that I should build a greenhouse.

As for my "costume changes", lol.  Well, I suppose that is the residue of Myspace rubbing off.  Whimsy sure is fun.  Yes, I'm posing with a very large, uh... what is it, a bush, a shrub? Well, at any rate, it's Rosemary.  My first true love.  How do you NOT love Rosemary?  I'm sure I could never understand it. I just recently made an infused oil of fresh Rosemary with coconut oil.  Wow!  I'm going to make some french fries to accompany our dinner tonight.  I will cut up some garnet yams and fry them golden in Rosemary infused coconut oil and bacon fat.  In a separate pan I'll saute some garlic and a bit of fresh Rosemary, and then I'll toss it all together with a bit of salt.  I'm not really a big fan of sweet potatoes and yams, but I do like them like this. Yum!!

  • SoulGardens
  • SoulGardens

Yeah, let's hear it for rosemary! And rosemary-infused coconut oil--be still my heart!

Ah, Gwendolyn, it's hard when you're wandering in the dark and don't know when you will see the light. I spent many years in dark places, and many's the time what I thought was the light at the end of the tunnel was just another corner to turn. But the light did come, usually so gradually I didn't realize it until I looked around and the darkness was gone.

You are very fortunate to be friends with the plants because they are excellent allies for navigating the dark places and finding our way home. Rosemay is certainly one plant that helps with that. I have used rosemary in tea many times when I felt anxious and needed to feel comforted.

If you are connected with the energy and spirits of plants, ask them which ones would like to work with you to help you find your way and the answers you are seeking. Talk with rosemary, thyme, wood betony, scullcap, St. John's wort, motherwort, mugwort, and many more.

You are wise to follow your inner guidance. It may be that selling is not for you, or it may not be the right time. Over the years I've had to re-evaluate where and what I will spend my energy on, and have let go of beloved interests because I simply must focus what energy I have. I have mourned what I've chosen to let go of, and sometimes I keep it in my life in a minor way.

But what this process has dome for me is to allow me to focus on what is central to my work in the world--guiding people to find healing of the heart and spirit. And also, it actually makes things simpler in some ways--instead of trying to do a zillion things, and figure out what to buy and what events to attend, I now have an inner set of guidelines that make it simple to say "no". And if it makes me sad, I acknowledge it.

Susun Weed, godmother herbalist, talks about black/dark. If the ground is white, like with snow, then nothing can grow there. If the ground is dark and black, then it is fertile and will grow wonderful plants! Remember that seeds spend time in darkness before they sprout.

Allow yourself that time in the darkness, knowing that you are gestating yourself into becoming who you are. If you'd like to communicate more, let me know, and we can e-mail. Take good care of yourself, and trust your inner guidance. Blessings, Iris Weaver

  • RosaArtemisia
  • gwendolyn ♥

Thank you, Iris.  This is the longest darkness I've ever walked through, three years now.  Your wisdom and advice are a great comfort, so is your offer of communication.  In the past three years of reaching out, I have put on a happy face and tried to present my best hoping that it would be enough to win friendships and support.  It seems, however, that in this particular community, pure honesty is welcome and honored, perhaps even preferred. 

Last night, I listened to a telecast hosted by B.E.E. Women's Wellness.  Presented was a powerful lesson that is relative and important to the health of all women.  As I listened, I realized how vital it is that people in our community seek to succeed doing something that they know they are called to do, which of course reminded me of the sellers on PoppySwap and the Marketing Monday posts.  Its so important to honor the happy healthy strong in our community that have a service to offer that might help to make other people feel happier healthier stronger, too.

Obviously, I'm not feeling so much like one of those people right now, but Thank You for you for allowing that to be okay.  Thank you for not ignoring me.  Thank you for treating my vulnerability with dignity and respect. 

I should go now.  There are more appropriate places for me to write... private emails, my blog, or my journal.  I'm glad I visited this forum. I will take you up on that email, Iris.  Thank you.

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