Okay, so this is another long one. Just a friendly warning for the majority who only read the 20% of all text. lol
Yes, and I also mentioned Lemon Verbena in the title, because this is an herbal forum and we MUST talk about herbs. I will, I will, I promise. But first....
Okay, so today I accidently spent $26 dollars on listing fees, and I got all worked up over it. Not "angry" worked up, but "little girl tears" worked up. That's when it hit me. This is not my calling. Nothing so trivial should upset me so much. Obviously, there is something else going on here, and I need to address it.
So, after a few slightly confused exchanges between Kiki and I, I decided to close my shops. O my, and I am the sentimental type, so now that I've calmed down a bit, and the sigh of relief has been exhaled, I'm feeling a teeny, tiny sting of regret. Kiki very eloquently asked me (twice) to keep writing in the forum. Of course, I will, because Kiki asked me to. Kiki is so damn nice that you really can't deny her anything. She's so nice, that the more eccentric you prove yourself to be, the more she loves you. A rare treasure of a gal, indeed!
But, yes, I did close my PoppySwap shops. I have left my etsy shops open, but I'm even thinking of closing them, too. I just haven't figured out how to tell my handful of loyal customers, so I sit in limbo. Actually, I would rather be selling here on PoppySwap. It took me a little while, but I was really starting to warm up to it. The thing is that to sell on PoppySwap, I really need to deal with some non-plant related issues, because truth be told, my work with the plants is precious to me. So much so that I don't really like to talk about it much. I'm still in the infancy of my herb learning, and it touches me so deeply that I prefer to keep it to myself. So, basically, I don't feel ready to sell my wares here.
It's more than that, though. Have any of you ever walked through a darkness, a dark time in your life that felt hopeless, only to finally get through it and find the light at the end of the tunnel? I have, many times. When I was younger, and I was in this dark place, I didn't know there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and I felt despair. I had to push myself to keep going. Time and experience eventually taught me that there is indeed a light at the end.
So, I'm in a bit of a darkness now. It is the longest lasting darkness I've ever walked through. I'm trying something different this time. I'm not fighting it. I know there is a light at the end, but I'm not pushing myself to find it. This time, I'm going to let the darkness teach me and guide me. I've closed my shops and I've closed my eyes, and I've decided to go where I'm meant to go, learn what I'm meant to learn. Something deep inside me says there's something more that I'm not getting because I'm putting my energy in the wrong projects. I don't know what it is, but I know that I simply have to follow this feeling.
SO!! On to Lemon Verbena. So, my Grandma surprised me with a visit yesterday!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love my Grandma sooooooo much! She's not my biological Grandma, but my grandma by a marriage that no longer exists. My Grandma is a neat old lady (they all are, though, aren't they?). She doesn't speak any English and I lost my Spanish, so we communicate through my husband. I swear, the older she gets the sharper she gets. I had a touch of the blues yesterday, and my Grandma is not the woman to sympathize so I had to work hard to keep it to myself! LOL She kept giving me the eagle eye, but I just pushed my chin up and smiled. Then she'd go on with her story. The best part of all is that she brought me some of her home-cooking. I swear, this woman never travels without a couple of coolers packed with her home-cooked Mexican food. When she travels she makes lots of housecalls to various friends and family and she doesn't leave their house until after the cooler has been unpacked.
As she was leaving, we walked through my garden. O, she was delighted with all the plants she'd never seen before. She'd stop and smell and ask, "This one is for tea?" Then I'd nod and she'd say, "Oooh!" with excitement. She loved my Tagetes Marigold, and she was breathless at my Lemon Verbena. She took some with her and made me promise I'd make a small plant for her. (Now, I'll have to learn how!!) Then she visited my Serano chiles, and my husband told her how I make him some delicious homemade salsa from time. She raised her eyebrows with pride and looked at me and asked, "Si, mija?" To which I said, "Si!" with a big grin. She was so happy to discover that I was making good use of her recipe. Finally, she oohed and ahhed over my basil, which I let go to seed so that it would come back next year. She took some of the seeds home with her.
Yes, so another long random rambling post.